| By :
Glenn Devey
I often hear guys saying that she was "The One". This rather implies that there's only one perfect match for anyone in the world, and if it doesn't work out you're doomed to an empty and lonely life. If you want to know how to get over a girl, the first thing you need to change is the label of "The One". I appreciate that some of you want data and figures to satisfy your analytical brains. I also know that there are those of you out there that want a more touchy-feely answer that addresses your emotions. Relax, you're going to get both. Let's deal with the stats and hard numbers first: Q. How many people are there on the planet currently? A. Somewhere between 6.5 and 7 Billion Q. How many are there in your country? A. USA - 310 Million, UK - 61 Million, Canada - 33 Million, Australia - 22.5 Million. Q. How many are there in your town? A. You'll have to fill this in yourself, but you can see where it's going. The point is that based on the number of people that you have personally met, got to know intimately and had a relationship with, the one you just broke up with was a pretty good fit whilst it lasted. But you haven't personally got to know more than about.... well, have a look inside your address book in your cell phone or on Face Book - how many people do you actually know intimately? Ask yourself whether your current number of partners is statistically significant or not. Generally in statistics, less than about 30 samples isn't a large enough group to make a solid conclusion about. This is a key part of how to get over a girl. Now for the emotions part. Obviously, during the time you were dating your feelings were intense for her - love, lust, desire - some or each of those things were present. These are emotional states of being - combinations of thoughts, feelings and physical sensations in your body. The label of "The One" is the result of a belief you formed about how strongly you were feeling - like a conclusion or a higher level thought that you formed due to how intense your feelings were. You probably also made plans for the future, and started to imagine what life would be like together, forever. So you got used to someone and formed an attachment to them. There is no single "One" that's perfect for you, just a belief about a strength of feeling that you develop for someone. And guess who's in charge of running your thoughts and feelings? You are! The good news is that you will find someone else for whom you have intense feelings for, and therefore make a new conclusion about how compatible you both are, and what a future together would be like. Where some guys go wrong is that they forget about all of the other available potential partners out there in the world and stop looking! They stay at home and lament the loss of "The One" and carry a torch for her, forever. Listen up guys - dating is a numbers game. The more people you date and test out your feelings for, the more likely it is that you'll find someone else that you can feel strongly about, and plan a future together. Of course you need to do this responsibly and with integrity. Learning how to get over a girl doesn't involve hurting other people's feelings or practicing irresponsible and unsafe sex, but the more partners you have, the better your chances are of finding the next.... "One".
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