| By :
Glenn Devey
I wanted to take some time to dispel a lie that's been circulated over the years for guys going through the "getting over my ex girlfriend" time of life. I don't know who started it, but it probably originated from someone well meaning but misinformed. Why do people persist in propagating such nonsense? Think about counsellors and therapists... who get paid by the hour. Think about friends and relatives who have their own lousy relationships that just for ten minutes, get to feel better about themselves when they see the state you're in. What is it? "Time is a great healer" Absolute rubbish. Time is a lousy healer - ask anyone who's taken a year to get over a break-up and ask them how they feel about the experience. If they're able to speak about it at all. There's a theory that every behaviour has a positive intention for the person displaying it. So for a traditional therapist who gets paid by the session, what incentive have they got to stop seeing you? And for relatives who like to have someone to nursemaid, do they really want you to stop telling them how bad you feel? It's easy to see how the rumour started that getting over my ex girlfriend was just a matter of time. If you wanted to empty a bucket of water, then leaving it out in the sunshine would eventually make all the water evaporate, leaving it empty. As long as you're not in a rush. How about toothache? Sure, if you leave it for long enough all of your teeth will probably rot and fall out and they won't hurt any more. But who wants to live like that? Yes, leaving nature to take it's course does work eventually, but why spend longer suffering than you have to? There are more dis-empowering phrases you'll get exposed to: She made you feel that way. You couldn't help it. Wait and see what happens. She'll probably regret it in her own time. You can't control what happens in life. All of these statements imply that you have absolutely no control over yourself and your future. It's called determinism and is propagated by numerous religious and social groups, usually with the intention of controlling followers. It's a myth. If you want to get over this uncomfortable time in your life, accept full responsibility for where you are now, and declare that you are taking control over where you're going. This includes how you think, feel, act, dress, where you go and what you spend your time doing. If you made a significant change in all of those areas just listed, don't you think you'd feel better about yourself now, and where you were heading in the future? Part of the pain you're feeling is due to the helplessness of the situation. But that's only because you've been focussed on a future with one person in particular. Anxiety is a sign that you're focusing and paying attention to the wrong things. Take control now, and feel better instantly. Or even quicker than that. If you found this article using a search on "getting over my ex girlfriend", the phrase itself suggests that it's a process that you've started and intend to complete. Don't allow anyone to divert you from the future you've decided on and have set about creating. You and you alone are responsible for your own happiness.
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