| By :
Glenn Devey
Sometimes we get caught up in our own thought patterns and don't notice when they've become un-helpful and harmful. If you're getting over your ex girlfriend and finding it tough going, perhaps it's time to step back and think about thinking. Sometimes it's not what you think, it's the way that you think that determines your outcome. Pretty deep huh? There's more. I'm going to list 5 thinking errors that I want you to watch out for - traps that you may fall into that I want you to notice, and then jump straight back out again if you fell for any of them. The chances are that if you're struggling to get through your current challenges at the moment, you could be making some of these errors. 1. All-or-nothing thinking. This is where there's only black and white, with no shades of grey in-between. For instance, "I'll never find anyone with a figure like hers again." Come one, have you looked at how much time girls spend in the gym these days. Never??!! Get out of here. Never say never. Never. 2. Blowing things out of proportion. This is where you amplify the negatives and minimise the positives. An example - "I freaked out and shouted at my ex and she burst into tears. I heard she told her girlfriends and now they all hate me, every single one." Well , she may have cried, told her girlfriends, but it's unlikely that everyone hates you just because of that. 3. Personalisation. When you personalise, you take on responsibility for someone's else's thoughts, feelings or actions. For example, "I made her have an affair because of the long hours I worked and the time I spent with my buddies." Nope, she's driving her own bus and is completely responsible for her own actions. You concentrate on getting over your ex girlfriend and leave the rest to her. 4. Mind Reading. Claiming to know what someone else is thinking or feeling is not possible. So phrases like "I know she hates me" "I know how she feels about me" "I can guess what's going through your mind right now" just aren't true. I know what you're thinking, but just go with me on this one. :0) 5. Labelling. This pattern results in a generalised judgement about yourself as a person, based on one specific event. For instance, "I slept with someone else whilst I was with my ex and feel terrible guilt as a result - I'm a selfish and deceitful jerk". No, you just had a one-night stand and were unfaithful in one specific instance. Who made you judge and jury? Okay, homework time. For the coming weeks, your job is to spot the times when you're making any of these mental mistakes whilst making sense of what happenned. Most of us fall into these traps on a fairly regular basis - it's part of being human. The value is in noticing it, correcting it and continuing with the process of getting over your ex girlfriend AND keeping your sanity.
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