| By :
Glenn Devey
Feeling at a loss from going through the "getting over my ex girlfriend" experience? There may be more of a loss at work than you realise, and you could even be feeling a sense of grief for that loss. Something that's useful to appreciate is that the grieving process and the emotion grief isn't experienced only after a bereavement. Grief happens whenever we experience a loss of any kind. Apologies for being morose for a moment, but I think this is useful. Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified five stages that a dying patient experiences when informed of their terminal prognosis. They are: Denial (This isn't happening to me!) Think back for a moment to when you and your ex broke up. It may be that you saw it coming, or even had a part in bringing about the end of the relationship. But if it was delivered unexpectedly without warning, ask yourself whether there was a brief time when you just couldn't believe it was happening to you. Perhaps you made plans for the future together, and the relationship finishing early was just like someone ripping them all up in your face. Anger (Why is this happening to me?) What was the emotion that followed the initial conversation about the break-up? If it was over another guy, you may well have felt angry about being dumped for someone else. If there wasn't anyone else involved, maybe you just felt frustrated at not being given a good explanation for why you were chosen for the "getting over my ex girlfriend" experience. Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...) Did you go through this phase too? Perhaps you committed to some changes in your approach and habits to keep the relationship together. Not everyone does - some guys just turn their backs and walk right out, but many will try to find a way to stay together by committing to personal change. Depression (I don't care anymore) Depression is quite a strong state and has a clearly defined clinical definition, however most guys experience some form of sadness whilst recovering from a split. Typically people who search out online help at are this stage of the process. Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes) Yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You'll reach a place whereby all of the previous pain, hurt and longing have subsided and you're ready to create a new and compelling future for yourself. Maybe with someone else, maybe alone - the choice is yours. Been through any of these stages recently? The point of sharing this is that it's perfectly natural to go through these stages after a relationship break-up, and you can see that by stage 5, the healing process is ready to begin. The trap that some guys fall into is getting stuck for a prolonged period in one of the phases. The "Getting over my ex girlfriend" process is one that most of us guys go through, what varies is the amount of time we allow ourselves to spend in each stage. Whilst it isn't possible to give a definitive length of time to spend in each stage, the people who get through it the quickest are the ones that pay attention to how long they spend at each stage and challenge themselves to move on if they feel stuck at any point.
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