Should, Should, Should I should clear up that mess. I should make that call. I should get moving on that. What I really should do is... Yikes, that list is endless! And while, yes, sure, we all should do a lot of things, the problem is that when you overuse the word "should", all it does is produce a heaviness that is anything but motivating. It makes you feel like you're already behind. Change It Up If feeling burdened before you even get started isn't working for you, here's a quick change that can help. Replace any "should" sentence with: If I really wanted to, I could __________. This technique comes from a book by Louise Hay.(1) I've been using it for myself and in my coaching with good results. It's helpful to repeat the sentence several times in a row because that gets you into idea generation. Here's one example from a recent conversation:
Cheryl: I should be making at least an hour of calls to my network each week. Ginny: How would that sound with the new phrasing?
Cheryl: If I really wanted to, I could make at least an hour of calls to my network each week. Ginny: Keep going. Cheryl: If I really wanted to, I could put an hour aside every week. Cheryl: If I really wanted to, I could put an hour aside every day. Cheryl: If I really wanted to, I could decide not to be discouraged when I get a negative response. Cheryl: If I really wanted to, I could vary what I say when making calls. Cheryl: If I really wanted to, I could simply make this a habit and become really good at it. Cheryl: Interesting. I feel more excited about this... like I could try one of these approaches and see what works for me. Ginny: Nicely done.
Does it always go this way? No, because sometimes you'll discover that what you've been saying you should do, you don't actually need or want to do. And that is helpful, too, because it allows you take it off your mental laundry list.
By considering what you want and could do, guilt and worry become possibility and choice. Saying it this way causes you to confront: Do I really want this thing I say I should do? Do I agree that I should do it or is that just noise?
If you no longer view it as necessary, it's time to release yourself from the obligation. If you still agree it's important, then decide what you'd like to do about it.
What Could You Do? Should implies restriction. Could creates possibility.
This Week: Don't let those shoulds get you down and don't hide behind them either. Say the words: "If I really wanted to, I could __________." and see what options are yours to choose. Notes: (1) Louise L. Hay, You Can Heal Your Life, (Carlsbad, CA, Hay House, Inc., 1999), 30-31.
Author Resource:-
VIRGINIA KRAVITZ, Career and Life Coach, founded In the Current® to serve accomplished professionals who want to move boldly in new directions and start living with a greater sense of joy and abandon. Ginny's e-zine, published every other Tuesday, is entitled Current of Life. Visit at: www.inthecurrent.com
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