| By :
Glenn Devey
Getting over ex-girlfriends is a skill that most of us guys have to learn at some point in our lives. And like most lessons, there's a hard way and an easy way to learn it. It sometimes seems harder than it needs to be, due to all of the emotional fog that gathers in our heads whilst it's going on. On a slightly more positive note, this is normal and perfectly natural after any type of loss, has happened a million times before and will happen a million times again. Yeah, I know it still stinks. There are at least three rules that need to be followed in order to speed up the healing process so you can get on with the rest of your life. Let's take a look at them now. 1. Make a decision that it's over. The human mind doesn't seem to process open loops and unfinished business at all well. Think about the cliff-hanger in a soap opera or during a Hollywood blockbuster. The reason it's put there is to keep you guessing about what comes next. Imagine spending the next three years wondering if you'll get back together? Not the most compelling future, but unfortunately some poor souls get trapped in that mode for far too long. The first stage of getting over ex girlfriends is for you to decide, right now that it's over once and for all, with no going back. You'll find that there's a sense of satisfaction that goes with taking control of a situation. Make a decision now that wild horses and large sums of money couldn't get you back together. You'll feel a little better right away. 2. Fix your mind on what you want instead of what you don't want. This principle is worth it's weight in gold alone - it's applicable to every single part of our lives, and should be taught as part of the school curriculum. Here's the thing; You can't think about what you don't want to think about. Think about that for a moment ;-) What that means in practice is that if you want to have or achieve something in life, then you need to fill your thoughts with exactly that, not what you don't want. If you spend your time excessively thinking about what happened, what went wrong and how upset you feel, you're not going to move on and start to release the unpleasant emotions that are attached to the experience. A more helpful approach is to think about what you want instead of what you have right now. To feel comfortable alone, to meet someone new, to get promoted at work or work on your golf swing for instance. Just the change in focus from what you don't want to what you do want makes an impact. I know, easier said than done when your feelings are rampaging, which is why the third step is crucial... 3. Match your actions with your intentions. Simply put you need to spend your time doing things that get you closer to what you want instead of what you don't want. If you want to be happy in a relationship with someone else, ask yourself whether you've been doing the right things to bring it about? Staying in alone, listening to "her song" and drinking yourself into oblivion isn't the best strategy. Getting yourself back into the single scene and going on the lookout for someone new is a better way to go about it. Getting over ex girlfriends is within reach with the right thinking, feeling and doing, but it's going to take some effort on all fronts. Think about all the time and energy you could waste on negative stuff and think for a moment about how much happier and better off you could be if you put it all into what you wanted instead. Now go do it.
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