| By :
Nick Vassilev
1. Thou shalt clean up all spills as soon as possible after they occur. Thus thou shalt save thyself a world of bother, as the stains shall not dry in place, requiring considerable elbow grease and effort to remove. However, thou shalt also use thy noggin and not try to wipe spills off a red-hot element, burning thy fingers nastily in the process. 2. Thou shalt not use poisons for cleaning benches where food is prepared. Instead, thou shalt use the natural house cleaning products that thy God hath created, such as vinegar and baking soda. Thus thou shalt not consume minute traces of wicked chemicals. 3. Thou shalt clean thy refrigerator on a regular basis to avoid the growth of mould and the proliferation of vile stenches. The best way to clean a refrigerator is to switch the power off at the wall (for verily, thus thou shalt conserve energy and be a good steward not only of the earth but of the pennies in thy purse) and remove all the items therein, flinging such items are dubious, mouldy or past their use-by dates into the compost heap or organic recycling system so that they might be returned unto the soil from whence they came. Then thou shalt clean the interior of thy fridge with baking soda and a soft, damp cloth, remembering that the most efficient way of cleaning refrigerators is to work from top to bottom. The baking soda hath manifold benefits, absorbing stenches as well as cleaning grease and grime from the interior without harsh scratching. And forget not to clean the compartments in the door of thy refrigerator. Finally, thou shalt rinse any residue of baking soda from the walls, door and floor with a clean damp cloth. 4. Remember thy floor, to keep it regularly mopped and vacuumed. Verily, the kitchen is the heart of the home, so many feet walk on it, spreading the surface with mud, fluff and dust. Furthermore, grains of rice, oatmeal and scraps of broccoli fall upon the floor when food is prepared. And for the slothful or those burdened greatly with many labours, if thy kitchen floor is clean, the whole house looks cleaner. Cleaning the floor of the kitchen can be done with the vacuum (daily or twice weekly, depending on how messy thy household is and whether or not ye eat in the kitchen) or with the mop. Extremely dirty floors should be cleaned with a scrubbing brush and warm soapy water, drying the floor as thou goest with a series of old towels. 5. Thou shalt have separate chopping boards for cutting meat and cutting other substances. The chopping board used for chopping meat should be sterilized with boiling water. For this reason, thou art advised to use a wooden chopping board for meat, as this shall not melt or have the surface damaged by hot water. 6. Thou shalt not use the tea towels to dry thine hands, nor shalt thou use the hand towel for drying the dishes. 7. Thou shalt change tea towels and dish cloths daily, sending the old ones to the laundry for cleaning. For verily, these are a breeding ground for bacteria. 8. Thou shalt cover frying food with a lid while cooking, else thou wilt cover all the top of the stove and thy splashguard with grease, which is difficult to clean. However, cleaning grease off the stove top can be accomplished with baking soda and a damp cloth, or with an Enjo cloth designed for the purpose. 9. Thou shalt keep thy rubbish covered, for thus thou shalt deter vermin (including greedy cats and dogs) from raiding therein. Furthermore, this prevents bad smells. To remove smells from inside the rubbish bin, sprinkle baking soda inside, as this absorbs smells. 10. Thou shalt rinse all dishes as soon as the meal is finished. This makes it easier to clean the dishes either in the dishwasher of when washing dishes by hand.
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