| By :
Nick Messe
The last chemotherapy or radiation treatment is over. Now you and your partner's next challenge will be making the transition from active medical intervention to successfully getting on with your lives. You'll want a life that is healthy and affirming for both of you. Up until now, much of the attention has been justifiably focused on the breast cancer patient, but now the needs that both of you have should be equally taken into consideration. What do the partners of breast cancer survivors care about the most? Contrary to what you might think, studies suggest that, overall, people are most concerned that their loved one is healthy and remains so. Although many patients believe that their partner will view them negatively, fear catching their cancer, or shun them because they may no longer have one or both breasts, this is most often not the case. In fact, the majority of partners assert that the patient is much more than his or her physical body, no matter what alterations it has suffered. Another issue of concern to partners of breast cancer survivors is how to resume a normal life. Are sex and intimacy possible? Can I become sick if I touch my partner's breast after he or she has received radiation? For these and other concerns, it is absolutely essential that the doors of communication be wide open. Health related inquiries can be directed at medical professionals, but there must be an on-going give and take between partners. Each has needs that are very important, but they cannot be addressed unless they are put into words, as difficult as that may sometimes be. How can you open those lines of communication? Your first priority is to take time to make time. Don't fall into the trap of believing that opportunities will present themselves. Instead, actively carve out chances to be together in a place free from distractions. Even if your initial conversations seem superficial, they are forming a foundation of commitment and trust. Over time, both of you will be able to bring up what really matters. If this strategy doesn't seem to be working, don't give up. There are many caring and competent clergy and therapists out there who can give you the tools you need. Another tried and true way to get beyond initial reluctance or fear to talk is putting your thoughts in writing. This method will help you clarify your ideas and give you the time and space to say them in just the perfect way. In some cases, you might never even give these letters to your partner, but be granted the clarity of mind and purpose to now talk to him or her directly. Unfortunately, breast cancer is increasingly common in today's world. While this can be seen as a negative, it does mean that resources have become much more plentiful and available. No longer do breast cancer survivors and their partners need to suffer in silence or struggle with questions because they know no one who will give them forthright answers. The Internet abounds with support groups. Many hospitals also sponsor networks for survivors, spouses and friends. All are designed to help you move beyond the chaos and devastation of breast cancer diagnosis and treatment and resume your relationships. Yes, nothing will ever be the same in some ways, but there truly can be life and love after breast cancer.
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