| By :
Ray Dickson
It is vitally important to understand how to discipline a defiant child. Knowing when to punish or not to punish is a hard line to find. There are times to ignore and times to take quick action. Children often know when to push the limits (i.e when you have visitors around, out in public, when you are tired .. the list goes on). Firstly, yelling at your children will not help, but a different tone in your voice can produce a totally different outcome. I am not saying talk harshly when you want them to stop certain behaviour but definitely don't talk sweetly either. Change your usual tone so that they know you mean business. Remember that angry parents will often have angry children!! Even more important for the child's response than parents wanting their way, is the style by which they try to get their way. When it comes to schoolwork, clearing away toys, or respecting other individuals, parents can bargain, persuade, and set limits in a mild, caring, and loving way. In contrast, an "in your face," domineering attitude is sure to set up or intensify the child's defiance. Another useful idea is to give your child some control over his life. This can be hard because as a parent you want total control (you do know what is right). However, this is an approach that will often defuse a problem before it turns into a battle. If your child is becoming defiant or you are in the beginning of a power struggle, give your child some control back by offering them a choice that you are happy with e.g. you have asked your child lots of times to pick up his toys. He keeps playing and defies you. Get down to his level and say "Here are your choices: you can either clean up your toys now or when (insert their TV show or activity here) is on, which do you choose?" If your child continues to ignore your request or says "NO!" tell him "Remember if you do not make a choice, I will choose for you. This is a great way on how to discipline a defiant child. These ideas may take several times for your child to grasp, but as long as you are constant with them they will learn to understand that it is better to have some control than no control at all.
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