| By :
John Markus
Sometimes, and this is rare, but on occasion, the process of filing for divorce can be the impetus for reconciliation. Indeed, the very notion that the differences within a marriage might have the potential to destroy it, is enough to put some couples to work at understanding those differences and talking through them. Couples find themselves considering divorce usually only after years of time invested in making it work. The possibility of reconciliation is slim, but it does exist, and those who are willing to try have a decent rate of success. Filing for divorce can be a wake up call for many married couples, as the spouse who is served the papers may not have realized the severity of the situation. By filing for divorce, you are asking your spouse to either assess your marriage and work to save it, or agree to dissolve your bond to one another. Either way, you'll both have the chance to move forward and grow instead of continuing to stagnate. The decision to attempt to reconcile will result in your case being placed on hold. This pause can be as long as two years. If you are the first one to file for divorce, you will be able to request that your spouse seek counseling. You may attend couple's counseling or you may prefer to speak to a professional individually before you attend a session together. You can stop the proceedings at anytime by simply letting the courts know that you are no longer seeking a divorce. Of course, you will be required to pay any outstanding fees for filing the paperwork and consultations with your lawyer. If your spouse was the first to file for divorce, you might want to request specific details. Many state laws do not require specific details when an individual files for divorce if the grounds for divorce are something like irreconcilable differences. However, if you are the one to whom the papers have been served, you may request that your spouse enumerate specific instances which outline these differences. You may then contest the irreconcilability of those differences. Have the two of you truly made an effort to reconcile? Might future efforts prove more fruitful? If you choose to request specific details, your partner will have 30 days time to reply. If he or she fails to supply this information, the case will be thrown out. This is based on the assumption that if your spouse cannot furnish this information, then the grounds for divorce are not valid. However, you should be prepared for a jarring list of detailed instances of your bad behavior if you make this request, and you could end up humiliated. Still, if you think your marital problems are soluble, do request specifics immediately after you are served the papers. Your lawyer should be able to advise you on whether or not your spouse can prove grounds for divorce. If he or she is not willing to detail his or her case, the proceedings will be halted and you may have a chance to work together through your differences.
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