| By :
Mark Etinger
It's not that I want a bugless summer. Not at all. Summer would lose half its magic without the song of cicadas or the glow of fireflies. It's the other bugs that (ahem) bug me. (You've never heard that before, have you?) For me, the triumvirate of summer pests is as follows: Ants. Mosquitos. House flies. I adore the warm weather, I don't even mind humidity (sweat out those toxins!), but when I see flies on the window screen, I go cold inside. I tremble. I start rifling through the space under the sink, looking for last year's disposable fly traps. Because you know how flies do, they multiply. They buzz. They drive me crazy. And then, oh joy, mosquitos. If only itchy red bumps would start being considered a stylish accessory, I would be at the height of fashion. Instead, I'm afraid to wear summer skirts lest people steer clear of me entirely, fearing chicken pox. The ants, however, are my arch nemeses. I use the plural here because there is no such thing as one ant. Ants are armies, they march in lines from the door, up the cabinets and walls, finding their way to my sink. Why? I want to ask them. Perhaps I would be less upset if I could understand them better. But there is no negotiating with bugs, not with preconditions or otherwise. Which brings me to the point. This summer I've stocked up on disposable fly traps, consulted the catchmaster, and I am prepared to deal with my three least favorite pests. How? I'm glad you asked. Not being a bug, myself, I am able and delighted to talk this through with you. 1. Ants First, try not to make your kitchen too enticing. Keep counters and the floor clean and crumb-free. Under no circumstances leave the sugar bowl out in the open, and unless you're a glutton for punishment, double bag that honey jar. Don't leave dishes soaking overnight. I know, it's summer and you want to relax, but what's more relaxing, knowing ants aren't in the house or skipping the dishes? For me, it's a no-brainer. If the ants come in, there are various home remedies to try on them that might surprise you. Cucumbers, for example. Leave a few slices out. Ants hate them. You can also try cayenne, citrus oil, or a mix of Borax and water. I've dumped Borax in the cracks around my sink and it did the trick, but that was back in my bachelorette days. Don't use it if you have pets or kids in the house. If those natural remedies fail you, it's time for a Catchmaster insect trap. (That's kind of where all of these roads lead. Help is on the way!) 2. Mosquitos Mosquitos are attracted to standing water. Kiddie pools, birdbaths, your pet's water bowl--make sure you change the water in these at least twice a week. Check the gutters, too. Don't leave anything in the yard that collects water. Natural remedy time! Citronella, in my experience, doesn't do a whole lot. Eucalyptus helps some. Toss sage or rosemary on the barbecue if you're grilling out. I've heard of spraying yourself with garlic water, but vanity prohibits me from trying this one, myself. Plant marigolds! 3. House flies I'm a big believer in disposable fly traps. This is because I am not a big believer in fly swatting, which has only ever felt like an exercise in futility in my experience. You can also try keeping mint, basil, bay leaves, cloves or clover on your window sills. If it doesn't keep the flies out, at least it will smell good. And for heaven's sake, even if you were raised in a barn, close the door.
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