| By :
Andy Grant
Whenever I ask people about their goals, I can learn a tremendous amount about them while listening to their answer. For example, I can always tell what level of conviction a person has by the way they answer the question, "Tell me about your goals." Sometimes the person's words are totally incongruent with their energy (for example, they are saying they are excited when clearly they are anything but!) Other times, their energy actually dips in intensity when they talk about certain goals, which is a clear indication to me that their goal could use some tweaking. But the most painful mistake is when I ask a person about their goals, and their answer doesn't include any goals at all. Here's an example: "Tell me about your goals!" "Well, I want to be able to pay my rent every month, and I want to get a car, because the one I have is almost dead." Not very inspiring, right? Let's face it -- paying your rent is something you're going to do no matter what. It's not a goal, it's an action item on your to-do list. And if have a car that's nearly dead, you might as well start looking for a new one right now and set some bigger, sexier goals than these. Owning your dream car is a great goal -- replacing one hoopti with another is not. A goal is something that inspires you to reach beyond your current resources and circumstances. It's something that lights you up inside, sparks your passions, and motivates you into action. Many times, people will answer my question with something along the lines of "pay off all my debt." (Another lackluster, totally uninspiring goal.) Upon receiving this answer, I always sigh, take a deep breath, and remind myself to be patient. First off, it's generally not a good idea to set a goal that involves "getting out of" anything. Especially something you perceive as being negative, like debt, or a job, or a bad relationship. That ties a whole negative, burdensome energy around your goal, which is not helpful in actually achieving anything. Instead of "getting out of" something, look at what you'd rather be "getting into" instead. What would paying off your debt (or getting out of that dead-end job or career, or that toxic relationship) actually GIVE you? In other words, imagine you're already out of it. Now what? What would you NOW be able to do, be or have? Many people answer that question with a thoughtful pause, and "I don't know." It's because they've put so much focus on getting out of the thing that they don't want, they never stopped to consider what they would do after that. But it's really the essential question here that must be answered. Perhaps you could take a vacation (without charging it on credit cards, or feeling guilty about having all that debt) or get a car, or treat yourself to something, or buy a house. Whatever you want, really. The trick is to focus on what you want, instead of giving more energy and attention to what you don't want. We know that whatever we resist will persist, so you're not serving anyone (least of all, yourself) by resisting your current situation. Instead, the key is to focus on what lies beyond the resolution of that situation or circumstance, and keep your attention fixed there. Imagine the situation is totally resolved, and now you get to...(fill in the blank). Try this for yourself and see what happens. The results may just amaze you!
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