| By :
Stephen Daniels
Codependency is a word that gets thrown around a lot in conjunction with relationships. In colloquial language it can be applied to everything from couples that spend what is perceived as "too much" time together to people who always have to be "with" someone romantically. Some people say that everyone is codependent, meaning that we all desire relationships (whether romantic or not) and depend on other people. Codependency, as it is clinically defined, is a serious issue. Those who are affected often live unfulfilling lives with damaged self-worth, unable to free themselves from dysfunctional relationships. Moreover, they are likely to pass their behavioral problems on to their children, and so the cycle continues. So how do we identify codependent behaviors in our own lives, and when do we know that professional help is necessary to break out of a destructive cycle? The term "codependent" originally was coined to describe some of the dysfunctional behaviors people develop when in a relationship (romantic or otherwise) with an alcoholic or other type of addict. However, the clinical definition has been expanded to encompass a set of dysfunctional behavioral patterns that probably begin in childhood and continue in adult relationships. Codependency can be defined in several different ways. One commonly cited explanation from Treatment Solutions Network, a national addiction treatment organization, is "a set of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing great emotional pain and stress." Codependent individuals may: - Seem "addicted" to being in romantic relationships - Be unassertive, passive-aggressive or controlling - Be perfectionists - Avoid feelings - Be caretakers of others Those who live with people who have a substance or other serious addiction as well as those who have mental illness in their families (or grew up in the households of either) are at particular risk of codependency. Having a few of the "symptoms" listed doesn't necessarily mean a person is codependent, nor are all possible symptoms listed here. It is also important to note that some healthy behaviors, such as a mother caring for her child, may appear to fall in some of these categories. Also, not every person in a relationship with an alcoholic, substance abuser or mentally ill person is codependent (though they may benefit from counseling). Only a qualified mental health professional is able to diagnose codependency and recommend a course of rehabilitation. The good news is that co-dependence IS a learned behavior. It can be treated successfully with therapy, and people can be fully rehabilitated. Although it is not easy, it is also incredibly freeing for many. Those undergoing treatment learn how to play and be lighthearted, and to create goals for themselves that aren't wrapped up in relationships and in other people. Many psychiatrists and other therapists specialize in rehabilitating individuals who have codependency issues. In addition, organizations such as Codependents Anonymous provide support to people through their recovery. In some cases, an individual must leave a relationship or distance themselves from family members to escape a destructive cycle. For many, however, family or couples therapy can help identify problems and patterns to help restore healthy relationships and life-skills. If you are exhibiting some of the problems or symptoms discussed, it is probably wise to see a psychiatrist or other qualified mental health professional. The right therapist or counselor can help you and your loved ones resolve behavioral problems and prevent issues like codependency.
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