By :
Tom DiNardo
Perhaps the most difficult situation that most charity auctioneers, as well as other bidders, have the displeasure of experiencing at any auction is the “Problem Bidder”. This type of bidder falls into many different classifications such as the (1) “Know it all”, (2) “Heckler”, (3) “Drunk”, (4) “Bully”, and lastly the (5) “Thief”. Sometimes the situations that present themselves are hilarious, but more often than not they are unpleasant. It is my hope to better define the “Problem Bidder”, and how to effectively deal with them without causing unnecessary disruption to the auction or the other more respectable bidders.
The “Know It All” bidder is someone who fashions himself as God’s gift to mankind. A venerable genius, and bodhisattva of bulls**t. Often pragmatic and proud, these Know It All’s in the charity auction world know everything about everything, and they are more than happy to share their wealth of knowledge with the auctioneer, the bidder, the food concession operator, and yes, even the farm dog. Realistically, the “Know It All” is not intelligent, often lonely, and just looking for a little attention. Solution: Try to provide them with a modest dose of attention by placating their need for acceptance (i.e. acknowledge that you understand, and are vitally aware, that if it were not for their input that Jonas Salk would never have developed the Polio Vaccine.). If this does not work, then try a little soft humor, as a laughing audience often subdues these types. Worse case scenario, go off of the microphone and tell them that they are becoming a nuisance.
The “Heckler” and the “Drunk” most often are the same guy, but not always. These bipolar types are desperately seeking attention, and rather than receiving positive kudos, they often receive public scorn and ridicule. The “Heckler or Drunk” truly thinks he’s funny. In some cases, when he’s three sheets to the wind, he might be. Solution: again, try a little humor, as the audience reaction will often quell this type of unwanted response. If this does not work, then address the individual personally, off the microphone of course. Be aware of liability, and most importantly your nonprofit client.
The “Bully” is typically the worst of the bunch. This is the tough guy with everything to prove and nothing to lose, and they will openly challenge, curse, or even insult your parentage. Humor again is golden in this scenario. Keep your cool cowboy! A calculated and measured response from you, backed by your audience’s roaring laughter, will most often disarm the “Bully”. Without stating the typical insults, here are some samples of various responses that you might choose to respond with. (1) In fact my parents are married! (2) I have done no such thing with a chicken! (3) If I had a dollar for every time I have been called that, do you really think I would be up here trying to earn a respectable living?
The “Thief” is the biggest mystery to me. I have yet to meet one who truly had a legitimate need that justifies this illegal act. The kleptomaniac has an attitude in which he feels that he is entitled. How you handle this individual is critical, since your response can induce potentially extreme reactions. Solution: If you are aware that someone has stolen something at your charity auction, and you know it is on his person, but he is paying for another item, then add the stolen item to the final bill. Politely acknowledge that he must have forgotten it was in his pocket. He may, at that point, want to pay for the item, or not.
A true story. A few years ago, I was presiding over a charity auction, but I was off microphone at the time, when a bidder approached me and pointed out a thief who had stolen an auction item. The thief was heading out the door so I enlisted the aid of a few board members and we approached the thief. One of the board members was ready to go berserk, as the thief had initially copped an attitude. I told the board member to calm down. I addressed the thief in a calm yet firm voice, and I told him that we have witnesses who had seen him stealing the item, and that if he creates a further scene we would call the police. The man was afraid to continue his charade, and I assured him that he had nothing to fear if he gave back the stolen merchandise without incident.
The man timidly gave back the auction item, and we handled this situation by walking the man and the now recovered stolen merchandise he had paid for back to the cashier’s station. We had reviewed his receipt for his legitimate purchases and refunded his purchase amounts for the purchased items. The nonprofit retained possession of those items. He was informed directly by the president of the board never to attend one of the organizations auctions again. Problem solved!
In the worst “Problem Bidder” situations always call the police. Large charity auction venues might consider employing uniformed security or even off-duty law enforcement officers. The last thing a charity auctioneer or his staff needs to do is potentially to get involved in a physical situation unless he is defending himself. Physical contact should be avoided at all costs because the auction company can be held responsible. Worse, you or your staff might be severely injured.
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