| By :
Brian Fricke
Copyright (c) 2010 Brian Fricke No one really likes to talk about death – especially with our families. It’s not exactly a way to lighten the mood at Dad’s birthday party or your child’s graduation. So we talk about football or swap recipes instead. The problem is, when we don’t talk about what we want, or what we’re planning, or what’s going to happen after we go, it all remains a mystery to the people we love the most. And when you’re no longer around to explain the details of what you’ve chosen to do and why, it can lead to hurt feelings, arguments and even lawsuits. Which is not exactly the sort of legacy you want to leave your family. We’ve all heard of families who have disagreed over whether Mom or Dad wanted to be buried or cremated (or in Ted Williams’ case, frozen). We’ve seen the articles about contested wills and court cases that have dragged on for years. You certainly don’t want your family to end up front page news because they’re squabbling over your estate. Believe it or not, the holidays are one of the best times to talk about your plans (and wishes) with your family. It’s usually the time of year when all (or most) of your family members gather together at the same time. Plan a dinner or a lunch, invite the whole family, and take the time to level with your family about your plans and wishes. Some may say you’re being morbid. Some may not want to discuss the possibility of life without you – even though it’s inevitable for all of us. So just gently insist that the conversation isn’t going to be depressing or upsetting, just factual. You want to make everything clear to your family now to make things easier for them later. A good place to start talking about the kind of funeral you want. You may have an exact picture of how you want your life to be celebrated, and where you want your final resting place to be. But if you don’t share your vision with your family, in the shock and grief that might follow your death, they may have no idea what to do. Let them know what you want with as much detail as possible, and let them know what aspects you’ve already taken care of and where to find the information they’ll eventually need. Your heirs might be expecting to inherit a certain amount of money from you. They may even be counting on it for their own retirement. While you may have your own ideas of how you want your assets distributed, not to mention how much of those assets there actually are. The problem, of course, is that when people don’t get what they want or expect, it can get messy. That’s when lawyers are hired, relationships break down and happy families are destroyed. The bottom line? Now is the time to talk openly about what you plan to leave and to whom. That way, if there are any arguments or disagreements, you can work through them now, when you can be a part of the solution. This is one of the best gifts you’ll ever give your family!
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